The Wedding Size

Just like picking out your coffee, figure out what's your ideal wedding size that you want to have:

• Small and intimate - only close members of the family, just a few events or Nikah only, nothing flashy
• Medium and festive - family members and extended relatives, maybe 2 to 3 events, 200-300 people total from both sides
• Large and grand - family members, extended relatives and friends, complete events, 500+ people total from both sides
• Extra large and YOLO  - family members, extended relatives and friends, complete events, fancy catering and entertainment, can go up to 1000+ people total from both sides

💡It is important to decide early as this will dictate how you will be budgeting.

Parent Involvements and Boundaries

Depending on how sporting your families are, you may get more freedom to plan your wedding according to how you always wanted.

If they are more conservative, it may require you to follow closely to religious guidelines and their expectations of a traditional Malay wedding. On the contrary, you may also want to have them be less involved in your planning but would mean more work on your end.

💡Make sure to have an open discussion with your family members in regards to which part of the wedding will they be heavily involved in.

There will come a point in time where your parents are being too involved in places where you want more flexibility in. In that case it's important to set healthy boundaries without the need to be confrontational about it. Some ways you can do so is

• Compromising with areas where your parents can have more say vs other areas where you are more in control
• Establish early who has the final say in decision making - i.e. the couple
• Have an external relative or a professional wedding planner that can act as a mediator
• Politely reminding them that this is your wedding afterall

💡Acknowledgements of their contributions goes a long way, even if you're not planning to take them. Say "thank you but we're thinking going a different direction...".

Post-wedding Living Arrangements

Ideally speaking, you'd want to source a separate living arrangement from your parents or in-laws. You can consider renting or, where possible, purchasing real estate just for the two of you.

Of course, there is no fault in staying over with your parents or in-laws for a little while. Do know that you or your partner may get uncomfortable or feel restricted living together with them. Remember to support each other and work as a team.

Discuss how living with the in-laws is likely to go. Walk through any unwritten house rules to prevent future conflicts from arrising.

💡In a case of conflict, you should always take your partners' side rather than your family.